


Thanks, Mr Curtis

by JJ1564



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angry Jensen Ackles, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Jensen Ackles, Jensen Singing, Love Actually References, M/M, Protective Jared, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Valentine's Day Fluff, deaf jensen ackles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-09-24 04:21:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9700802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJ1564/pseuds/JJ1564
Summary: Jared spends Thanksgiving at his friend Justin’s house and falls for Justin’s brother, Jensen. Unfortunately, Jensen has become a recluse since losing his hearing six months earlier. Jared comes up with a Valentine's Day plan to break through the walls Jensen has built around himself, thanks to Love Actually.





	1. Thanks, Mr Curtis

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters, or have any rights to the movie, this is purely for Valentine’s Day fun!  
> A/Note - Not beta'd so all mistakes are mine. Thanks to milly_gal for the read-through and encouragement.

Jared was pleased that Justin had invited him home for Thanksgiving; he hadn’t been looking forward to spending it alone in a new city. He had never been apart from his family before at this time of year and it had been a hard decision not to go  
home, but lack of funds had made his decision for him. He would be going home for Christmas, and that wasn’t far away.

Landing a role on a major television show had been a dream come true, but it wasn’t a huge role – he was the son of the lead character, a sassy female detective – and finding a place to live had taken up most of his money. He had soon become friends with Justin Ackles, who played his brother, and Genevieve Cortese, Justin’s girlfriend on the show - and in real life, too. They were a cute couple, and Jared enjoyed hanging out with them.

He followed Justin into the large but homely-looking house and was greeted by a very friendly Golden Retriever, his tail wagging so much Jared was afraid it would fall off.

“Muttley, get inside!” Justin tried to sound commanding but Muttley ignored him. Jared managed to get inside despite the dog being almost wrapped around his legs.

“Come in, come in, you must be Jared,” Justin’s father ushered him in, oblivious of Muttley.

“Thank you for having me, Mr Ackles.” Jared shook the hand Mr Ackles offered him.

“Please, call me Don.” Don smiled warmly at him. 

“Justin, is that you?” Mrs Ackles appeared and wrapped Justin in a hug. “I’ve missed you!”

“Mom, I was here just last weekend!” Justin grumbled affectionately.

“Muttley!” A man’s voice called from upstairs. Jared glanced up and saw a handsome man standing there, who scowled at them and repeated “Muttley! Get back up here.”

The dog looked almost guilty as he slunk away from Jared and scooted upstairs. A door slammed and the Ackles all looked as guilty as Muttley.

“Sorry about that, that’s our younger son, Jensen. He’s not feeling too good today.” Mrs Ackles explained. “But let me welcome you properly. I’m Shirley, and I’m so pleased you could join us.”

“I’m gonna go check on Jens, mom,” Justin looked worried, “I can show Jared to his room.”

“Sure, honey. He’s…well, he’s just…” her eyes filled with tears and she brushed them away. “I’m sorry, Jared. I’m sure Justin told you about what happened to Jensen.”

“Yes, I’m so sorry.” Jared replied sincerely.

Justin had told him all about the kid brother he adored. Jensen had been a happy, healthy 22-year-old, doing odd jobs by day and pursuing his dream by night, singing in bars and clubs, waiting for his big break. He loved to sing and play guitar; he wrote music with his best friends Jason and Steve. Then he had become ill, with meningitis, and had nearly died. It had left him profoundly deaf, also depressed, reclusive and isolated. He had refused to learn ASL so far, and only communicated by writing notes or ‘scowling, frowning or scowling again’ as Justin put it. It had been a long six months for them all.

Justin had told Jared that Muttley was the only living thing that made Jensen smile now, and he would spend hours out in the back-yard throwing balls or Frisbees for the dog. Muttley rarely left Jensen’s side, and slept in his room with him.

Justin knocked on Jensen’s door and grinned at Jared’s surprise. “Muttley lets him know when anyone knocks.”

“Go away!” Jensen shouted. Justin took a deep breath and opened the door.

Jared caught a glimpse of the most gorgeous man he had ever seen. Short, sun-kissed hair, a strong jawline, huge eyes and pouty lips. The fact he was screaming “Get the fuck outta my room!” didn’t distract from his beauty.

“Jared, your room’s opposite, wish me luck.” Justin disappeared; Jared knew he should move but he was transfixed. He heard Jensen yelling more obscenities at Justin, followed by sobbing. He moved away to the guest room then, feeling guilty for listening to a private moment.

Jared didn’t see Jensen until the following afternoon. Jensen ate all his meals in his room, but joined them for Thanksgiving dinner, looking completely unthankful - and so unhappy Jared just wanted to make him smile. The family basically ignored Jensen’s sulk, but it made Jared uncomfortable.

Jensen seemed oblivious to Jared’s presence, only glancing up when Jared passed him the sweet potatoes and muttering thanks. Jared was lost in those big, sad green eyes and wanted to spend forever staring into them.

“Jared?” Justin nudged him. “Mom was asking if you have anyone special back home?”

“Um, sorry, no…not any more,” Jared sighed, “I had a boyfriend, but we split up when I left. Chad didn’t want a long-distance relationship.”

“I’m sorry, honey,” Shirley cooed sympathetically, “I shouldn’t have pried.”

Jensen gave a snort of amusement and Jared wondered if he could lip-read a little. “Fuck, mom, I can’t hear what you’re saying, but I know you’re giving the poor guy the usual interrogation.”

It was the most Jensen had spoken all day and Jared could see his dad’s warring emotions – should he berate him for his disrespect or just be pleased he’d joined in? Anger won and he hastily scrawled “Jensen, don’t speak to your mother like that. Please apologise.”

“Sorry, mom,” Jensen looked contrite. “Just ‘cause I’m deaf doesn’t mean I should be a dick.”

Justin laughed and Jensen almost smiled. “I guess I should ask who this Sasquatch is? You batting for the other team now, Justy?”

“This is Jared, he plays my brother on the show.” Justin jotted onto a pad.

“Oh yeah, I recognise you now.” Jensen eyed him up and down. “You’re…bigger in person,”

“Pleased to meet you, Jensen.” Jared wrote, taking the pen from Justin. He hoped he wasn’t blushing, sure that Jensen had just flirted with him.

“I doubt that.” Jensen muttered, and dropped his gaze back down to his meal, eating in silence and not making eye contact for the rest of the meal.

“Who’s ready for pie and...and Love Actually?” Shirley said, as she held up the DVD.

Jensen glared at the DVD like it offended him as he got up. “I’ll have mine in my room.”

Don caught him by the arm, and for an awful moment Jared thought Jensen might punch his dad. “No.” Don said. “Please, Jensen.”

“Um, this is – was, I guess - Jensen’s favourite movie. We always watch it after Thanksgiving dinner.” Justin whispered to Jared.

“He can still watch it, with subtitles,” Jared whispered back.

“Good idea.” Justin agreed and moved to take Jensen away from their dad, dissipating the tension. They went into the kitchen and emerged a few minutes later, Justin looking relieved and Jensen looking resigned.

“Okay, I’ll watch but only because y’all want me to.” Jensen grumbled.

Jared wanted to laugh – Jensen looked so adorable when he was sulking, which seemed to be most of the time. Fuck, he was falling for this guy.

They watched the film in an awkward silence at first, but Bill Nighy’s ‘singing’ soon made them all laugh, except for Jensen, who was scowling at the screen, determined not to enjoy it.

“This always cracks him up, I bet he can’t keep up the sulks.” Justin whispered to Jared as Colin Firth jumped in the lake. Sure enough, Jensen was smiling and it was beautiful.

Jensen’s smiles made them all relax, but he excused himself just before the Prime Minister went looking for ‘his Natalie’, saying he had a headache. Jared saw him wipe his eyes as he left the room, obviously not wanting his family – and a stranger – to see him cry. It made Jared’s heart ache.

 

Jared didn’t see him again before he left the next day, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Jensen or asking Justin twenty questions whenever he got a chance.

Justin soon realised Jared was falling for Jensen, and lectured him about how difficult Jensen was, and about not hurting his brother, but he soon fell for Jared’s puppy-dog eyes and took him home again the first weekend after Christmas. 

Unfortunately, Jensen kept his distance, sometimes giving Jared a scowl, sometimes a shy smile, sometimes even saying hello.

Justin ended up taking Jared home most weekends after that. On the Saturday night at the end of January, they ended up sitting at the kitchen table with Jensen and a bottle of Jack.

Jensen’s usual scowling façade had been cracked by alcohol, allowing the odd smile to slip through. He was talking more than usual, just asking questions about the show and mutual friends. His voice was rough and sometimes changed tone or volume unexpectedly; Jared guessed this was because Jensen couldn’t hear his own voice to modify it. Jared thought his rough voice was as sexy as hell, and endearing when it changed.

“So how long are you gonna keep up the sulking?” Justin wrote after a lull in the conversation.

“Huh, just say what you mean, asshat.” Jensen huffed. Justin stared at him. “Okay, I know I’m acting like a spoiled brat, but my life Is over – and don’t fucking tell me I’m being dramatic again. I can’t hear, Justin, I can’t sing or play music any more. I can’t have a relationship…”

“Why??” Justin wrote.

“No one’s gonna want to hook up with me, I’m damaged goods.”

“Tom was a jerk telling you that.” Justin wrote. Jared recalled that Jensen’s boyfriend had dumped him while he was recovering in hospital.

Jared took the pen to write, “Yeah, he was a selfish bastard.”

“Who asked for your opinion, Sasquatch?” Jensen snapped, “I don’t need your pity.”

“What I feel for you isn’t pity, Jensen.” Jared wrote and Jensen stood up, his face going pale.

“Listen, I don’t need your pity, or to be some fucking project, or for you to fall for my pretty eyes and mouth – I’ve seen you staring – I just want to be left the fuck alone. “

Jensen stormed out and Justin sighed. “He’s going to get his wish if he’s not careful.”

“I’m sorry I upset him,” Jared ran his hand over his face. “I wish I could get through to him.”

 

By Valentine’s Day, Jared had hatched a plan. It took a little while to get it altogether and he needed Justin’s help with planning the perfect time, but it on February the fourteenth he was standing at Jensen’s front door with a pile of cards and a knot of hopeful anxiety in his chest.

He rang the doorbell, knowing that Jensen was home alone, expecting Justin to call, and that Muttley would alert him to the doorbell.

“Have you forgotten your keys?” Jensen grumbled as he opened the door. “Oh, hi, Jared, I didn’t expect you…”

Jared held up the first large hand-written card.

JENSEN, PLEASE  
‘LISTEN’ TO ME

Jensen frowned and mumbled “what the…”

IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY  
AND ON V-DAY YOU  
HAVE TO TELL THE TRUTH

Jensen rolled his eyes.

IF I HAD TO CHOSE  
BETWEEN YOU AND  
ONE OF THESE GUYS…

The next card had pictures of Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddlestone, Brad Pitt and Channing Tatum.

I WOULD ALWAYS CHOOSE  
YOU TO BE MY VALENTINE

Jensen was biting back a smile. “You’re an idiot.”

The next card simply said…

TO ME YOU ARE PERFECT

Jensen’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. He wasn’t smiling anymore, and Jared wondered if he’d gone too far.

AND I WILL WAIT HERE  
UNTIL I LOOK LIKE THIS...

This card had a photo of a very hairy Sasquatch. Jensen smiled again, so Jared held up the next one.

...UNLESS YOU AGREE  
TO BE MY VALENTINE

Now Jensen was blushing and biting his bottom lip. It was adorably sexy. Jensen laughed, really laughed, then smiled at Jared and he felt his heart flip flop inside his chest. God, he was fucking beautiful, even more so when he smiled.

“You’re crazy, d’you know that?”

Jared nodded back and took the chance of moving closer to Jensen. He reached out and took Jensen’s hands in his. “You make me crazy.” He said, slowly enough for Jensen to lip read.

The last card was double sided, and the biggest gamble. Jared moved back to hold it up…

PS  
I INTEND TO LEARN ASL  
SO I CAN TALK DIRTY TO YOU

then he turned it over…

SO, YOU’D BETTER  
LEARN IT WITH ME

Jensen stared at him for a heart-stopping moment. Then he smiled.

“You’re pretty sure of yourself.”

Jared nodded and handed Jensen the letter confirming the enrollment of both of them in ASL classes, decorated with tiny, sparkly, pink heart-shaped stickers.

“You sneaky bastard,” Jensen laughed, then grabbed him by the collar and kissed him.

It was even better than he imagined, making Jensen laugh and smile, and then being kissed by him.

Jared really hoped he would meet Richard Curtis one day to thank him.


	2. Love Actually

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Jensen's relationship is progressing, slowly but surely, so Jared decides to ask Jensen to sing for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that when Jared is speaking to Jensen, it's usually signing, which is why it may seem a little stilted.

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon and they were out in the garden, practising their ASL between throwing stuff for Muttley to catch. They had been getting on pretty well over the last few weeks, so Jared decided to ask something that had been on his mind since he met Jensen. 

“I would like to hear you sing.” He signed.

“Well, that’s never gonna happen, Sasquatch.” Jensen grumbled. “I’m deaf, remember?”

“How could I forget?” Jared replied.

“I didn’t know it was possible to be sarcastic in fucking sign language.”

“I have many talents.” Jared signed with a grin. 

“Yeah, sarcasm and pride being the top two.” Dean retorted, hiding a smile. 

“Have you sung at all since...”

Jensen scowled at him and answered before he had the chance to finish. “No, of course I haven’t, how the fuck am I supposed to sing?”

“It is like speaking, I guess. Why not try?” Jared answered.

“I can’t, just fucking drop it.” Jensen yelled, swiping angrily at the tears in his eyes. He stood up and stomped into the house. Jared and Muttley followed him, both with their tails between their legs. 

Jensen’s mom came out of the kitchen just then. “Oh dear, what’s wrong?”

“I...um...I upset him. I asked him to sing.”

“Oh dear.” She repeated. “I haven’t heard him yell like that at you, you’re practically the only person he never screams at. Now I know why; it’s a very sore point.”

“But I’ve seen stuff on the ‘net, deaf people can sing, play instruments...” Jared sighed.

“Jensen’s always been stubborn, Jared, I guess he’ll sing when – and if – he feels ready.” She smiled sadly.

 

Jared pushed Jensen’s door open a fraction to give Jensen a chance to either slam it in his face or invite him in. By the scowl on Jensen’s face, it had been a close call between the two options. 

“I’m sorry, Jensen.” Jared took Jensen’s hand in his, to ensure Jensen was looking at him and could see his lips. 

“You don’t understand.” Jensen retorted.

“Then tell me.” 

“Fuck, you’re not gonna drop this, are you?” He huffed.

“Nope.”

“I’m...I’m scared that I can’t do it anymore, and...and it’ll just remind me of how much I’ve lost.” He whispered, the tears he’d held at bay now running down his cheeks.  
Jared pulled Jensen into a hug, letting him cry it out. Justin had been right when he had warned him that a relationship with Jensen would be difficult. Jensen’s mood swings were unpredictable and challenging, but Jared was learning how to deal with them. Sometimes all Jensen really needed was to vent his anger, frustration and fear, whether it was by yelling, swearing or crying - usually a mixture of all three.

Jensen pulled away, wiping his face with his t-shirt. “Fuck, I’m sorry.” He smiled ruefully at Jared.

“No need to...” Jared hesitated, trying to remember the sign for apologize, but Jensen did it for him and Jared copied it. Jensen had picked ASL up far more quickly than Jared. 

“Yeah, there is. I’m sorry I bit your head off, and then cried all over you.” Jensen ran his hand through his hair. “I’m just...I’m gonna go wash my face and then I’ll make us some drinks. I think mom’s been baking cookies, too.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Jared sat on the bed, flopping back onto it once Jensen had left the room. Conversations were exhausting - trying to remember all the signs, as well as dealing with potential triggers that would set Jensen off. He wished Jensen could hear, then felt bad for wishing it. It was by now a very familiar circular guilt trip.

Jensen soon appeared carrying a tray with two steaming mugs of coffee and a plate of his mom’s choc-chip cookies. “Mom asked if you’re staying for dinner.”

“No, sorry, I have an early start tomorrow.” 

Jensen’s face fell. “Okay, I’ll let her know.”

“I will be back next weekend, if that is okay?”

“Of course it’s okay.” Jensen rubbed a hand over his eyes and plastered on a grin. “I miss your freakishly long body and girly hair when you’re gone.”

“You could come with me.” Jared had asked this before and Jensen always said no.

“I’d like to...it’s just...” he sighed and took a huge bite of cookie. 

“Justin will be around, too.”

“I know, but I haven’t stayed away from home since it happened. I know it’s kinda lame, but I feel safe here.”

“You are safe with me.”

“I know, and I know I should try new things.”

“That sounds promising.” Jared gave him a wink.

“You have a dirty mind.”

“So do you. Kiss me.”

They put their coffee mugs down and laid back on the bed, kissing each other slowly, tasting of chocolate and coffee, hands roaming over each other’s bodies. They hadn’t progressed much further than kissing and touching, mainly because Jared didn’t want to take advantage of Jensen. Jensen still seemed to think he was damaged goods, and that Jared would never want him long-term. And the fact that they were never alone didn’t help. That was another reason Jared wanted Jensen to visit him in LA.

“I should warn you about next weekend.” Jensen sighed. “It’s my parent’s thirtieth anniversary and they’re having a family party. I don’t wanna go, I hate all the pity and awkwardness I get from people. But I guess I should, and if you’re there it will be easier.”

Jared grabbed the pad; he still used it for longer sentences. “Of course, I’ll be there. Do I need to bring a present? Have they got a wish list? And, Jensen, I’m sorry if I’ve been pressurizing you about visiting, you need to do it when you are ready. The same with singing.”

“Okay...no, you don’t need to bring a gift, they are asking for donations to the local deaf support group – not sure why,” Jensen grinned, “and don’t worry about any of that. I do want to visit you, it would be great to have you all to myself, but not just yet.”

“I understand.” Jared signed, adding, “We have about an hour now.”

Jensen grinned again. “However will we pass the time...”

 

Justin was an affectionate guy, often giving Jared a brief hug or a pat on the back, but Jared was surprised when he walked right up and wrapped him tightly in his arms.

“Thank you, Jare,” he mumbled into Jared’s shoulder. “Thanks so much.”

“You’re welcome,” Jared replied, “Um, what for?”

“Fuck, sorry,” Justin pulled away, smiling broadly. “You don’t know. My mom called me last night, she was crying and I thought something bad had happened. But she was crying because Jensen was singing, fucking singing in his room. She never thought she’d hear him sing again, neither did I, and we’ve all missed it so much.”

“Wow,” Jared smiled back. “That’s great, but it wasn’t my doing.”

“Of course it was.” Justin retorted. “You’ve been so good for him, I can’t begin to tell you...”

“It’s okay,” Jared interrupted, blushing at all the praise. “But Jensen’s as good for me as I am for him. He’s an amazing guy.”

“He is, but he’s been a fucking nightmare since it happened. So, let me thank you, okay?”

Jared nodded and they headed to the bar for a celebratory beer or two.

Despite what he’d said to Justin, Jared did feel a sense of pride about encouraging Jensen. He was sure that singing and playing his guitar would help him. He texted Jensen as soon as he could.

“So a little bird tells me you’ve been singing?”

“Gonna shoot that little fucker.”

“You badass. It’s great, Jensen, I can’t wait to hear you.”

“Don’t expect too much. I’ll sound probably like Lee Marvin crossed with Crazy Frog.”

“Sexy.”

“Dork.”

“See ya soon, Marvin!”

“Hate you.”

 

Later that night, Jared smiled in anticipation before watching the footage of Jensen singing that Justin had sent him. It was so great to see Jensen performing, looking happy and full of life. He was so comfortable on stage and so charismatic; the audience loved him. Now Jared could clearly see that the change from the confident performer to the guy hiding from the world in his bedroom had been major. Jensen had had a wonderful voice and had been a good guitarist, too. 

“No, scratch that, Jensen has a wonderful voice and is a good guitarist. I fucking hope so.” Jared muttered to himself. “Or I’m the worst boyfriend ever.”

 

Jared arrived on the Friday night, eager to see Jensen and to hear him sing. Jensen looked stressed but immediately pulled Jared in for a long kiss.

“So, I guess we better get it over with. Crap, I’m real nervous, I dunno why, I mean, it’s just you here right now and I know you wanna hear me...” Jensen ran his hand through his hair. “I’ve been working on something for my mom and dad, and for you, kinda, um, I...”

“Take a deep breath,” Jared smiled.

“Okay, okay,” Jensen nodded and smiled weakly at him. “Here goes.”

He picked up his guitar and started to strum. Jared recognized it immediately, it was “Love Is All Around” and as Jensen started to sing, Jared’s heart rate increased. He was seriously having an out of body experience. Goosebumps. Shivers. Fuck, but he was so good! His voice was so sexy! Jensen started off tentatively, his voice low and quiet, but it grew stronger as he continued. He wasn’t looking at Jared, which was probably just as well as Jared knew he had the goofiest of goofy grins on his face. 

Jensen stopped and frowned at him “Jared...shit, was it that bad?”

Jared was sitting with his mouth open and tears rolling down his face.

“Fuck, Jensen, you are amazing!” Jared said slowly, knowing that Jensen understood by the shy smile on his face. 

“Are you sure? You’re not just saying that to have your wicked way with me?”

“Yes, you...naked...now.” Jared signed and Jensen laughed. Jared grabbed his notepad and scribbled: “Seriously, Jensen, your voice is beautiful. I have a confession – I’ve been watching vids of you and your voice is just the same, if not better. You have an incredible tone to your voice, it sent shivers down my spine.” He wasn't sure if Jensen would be pleased or pissed about Jared watching the vids. 

“Thanks, Jared, that means a lot,” Jensen leaned forward to kiss him again. “Now that sent shivers down my spine!”

 

Jensen sang for his parents that night, as his gift to them. By the time he finished, they were all in tears - his parents, Justin, Genevieve and of course Jared. He was pretty sure Muttley had tears in his eyes, too.

Jensen smiled, a dazzling ray of sunshine and pure happiness.

“Thank you so much for doing this for us, Jensen.” Don signed, “it is so good to have you back.”

“I’ve been right here!” Jensen protested, but he couldn’t stop smiling as he added, “Yeah, it’s good to be back.”

Jared didn’t think he could feel any happier than he did right now. Jensen’s smile made his heart feel ten times bigger and made him want to kiss Jensen, to see if smiling lips tasted better. 

And he would, later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never intended to do a follow up to Thanks Mr Curtis, but I had such a great response to it, I was inspired to continue! Thank you all for the kudos and comments. Also, I had the idea of Jared coaxing Jensen into singing in my head, so it made a good starting point for this chapter. 
> 
> Thanks again to Milly for the read through and encouragement.


	3. Love is All You Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared accompanies Jensen to his parent’s wedding anniversary party, which they knew may be hard for Jensen, as he has avoided large gatherings since losing his hearing. It mostly goes okay, despite one very patronising guest, and Jensen’s sadness when his old band mates perform without him. But it makes Jared realise how much he loves Jensen. And it might be time to tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the people whose names and bodies I'm using (I wish!!) or have any rights to the songs/movies mentioned, this is purely for schmoopy, angsty fun! 
> 
> A/Note - Please note that when Jared is speaking to Jensen, it's usually signing, which is why it may seem a little stilted.
> 
> Thanks again to milly_gal for beta-ing and support. Art borrowed from Traveller-in-time.

Jensen gripped Jared’s hand tightly as they walked into his parent’s garden, which was festooned with balloons and decorations for the party. It was teeming with friends and family, many of them smiled at Jensen, and several made a bee-line for him.

“Jensen! So good to see you!” A tall, heavy built man bellowed, pulling Jensen into a bear hug.

“Hey, Uncle Mark, um, can you put me down now?” Jensen laughed. Jared breathed a sigh of relief. This was all going to be fine. Nothing to worry about.

“Can you lip read?” A lady standing next to Mark asked, enunciating each word carefully.

“Not really, only a few words. And it helps if you speak normally, Auntie Jean.” Jensen smiled.

“Oh, right, sorry!” She returned his smile. “It is so nice to see you.”

“Let me get at my nephew!” Another lady elbowed Mark and Jean out of the way and pulled Jensen into an embrace tight enough to outdo Mark’s, also cutting off Jensen’s air supply. “It’s been too long since I saw you, my handsome prince.” She said, although Jensen was clasped against her shoulder and had no way of lip reading. “Who’s this gorgeous guy?”

“I’m Jared,” Jared replied, with a fake smile at the overbearing woman; “Jensen’s boyfriend.”

She let Jensen go, still holding him at arm’s length. “Well, Jensen, he’s lovely!” she announced. “Such pretty eyes! Dimples too! I’m Jensen’s Aunt Martha, his dad’s sister, the youngest of course!”

Jared signed what she was saying to Jensen, who was obviously trying not to roll his eyes.

“Oh, you can sign! How clever!” She clapped her hands, at last releasing Jensen.

“Hi, Rachel,” Jensen had turned his attention to a young blonde woman standing to the side of the group now surrounding him. “Please rescue me!” Rachel grinned and grabbed Jensen’s hand, pulling him away to a quieter area of the garden. Jared followed, bemused, as they collapsed onto some chairs, giggling together.

“Jared, this is my cousin Rachel, Martha’s daughter,”

“And I am nothing like her,” Rachel rolled her eyes and Jared could see the family resemblance between her and Jensen.“Who’s this gorgeous guy?” She mimicked her mom’s voice perfectly. Jensen was laughing, obviously knowing exactly what she was doing although he couldn’t hear her.

“Pleased to meet you, Rachel,” Jared smiled.

“Right back atcha, dimples!” Rachel grinned. “I saw you signing, can you teach me some? So I can talk to freckles?”

“Freckles?” Jared smiled at Jensen, who scowled at them both.

For about an hour, as requested by his parents, Jensen mingled, using Jared to sign or reading lips where he could. They ate some buffet food, drank some beers and chatted more with Rachel, along with Justin and Genevieve. Jensen was only relaxed when talking with them; he was getting increasingly stressed by all the hugs, handshakes and pitying looks.

Then a couple who had arrived late came over, and Rachel whispered “Oh no!”

“Paul, hey there,” Jensen smiled at them, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Jared could tell he was nearing the end of his tether. “Good to see you. Hey. Sophie.”

“Jensen, my man!” Paul briefly hugged him and Sophie kissed his cheek.

“ _Hello, Jensen_ ,” she signed. “ _How are you? It is so good to see you_.”

“I’m doing okay, thanks, Soph. This is my boyfriend Jared, Jared this is my cousin Paul and his fiancé Sophie.”

“ _You are the actor_?” She spoke and signed, which Jared thought was great. Very inclusive.

“ _Yes, that’s me_ ,” Jared did the same.

They made small talk and Paul drifted away with Justin to talk to a mutual friend.

“ _So why haven’t you got a hearing aid?_ ” Sophie asked, and Jensen stiffened, his face draining of colour. This was a no-go area - Justin had warned Jared not to bring it up.

“It’s none of your business.” Jensen responded angrily.

“ _It would be worth trying, Jensen._ ” She persisted.

“I’m fine,” Jensen spat out through gritted teeth.

“ _It won’t do you any harm to try_.” She was annoyingly persistent.

“I said I’m fine, just drop it.” Jensen retorted, his anger and frustration apparent to everyone. Except Sophie.

 _“But you might be able to hear some sounds..._ ” Obviously, she had the skin of a rhino.

“I don’t want to hear some fucking sounds,” Jensen yelled. “If I can’t hear people speaking or music or...or fucking birds singing, I don’t wanna hear random fucking sounds.”

By now, a hush had fallen over the guests, and most people had turned to see what the shouting was about.

“ _There’s no need to be rude, I was just trying to help_.” Sophie grumbled, signing, and speaking loudly.

“You were being fucking rude, not him,” Jared hissed at her.

“I gotta get out of here, Jared, please...” Jensen was gripping Jared’s hand and making his way back inside the house.

Once in his room, Jensen leaned into Jared, exhausted and stressed out. “I can’t take much more of all this.”

“ _Just take a breather,_ ” Jared signed. “ _That woman is a total bitch._ ”

Jensen gave a shaky laugh at that. “Rude words are so much funnier signed.”

They sat side by side on his bed for a while, with Jared’s arm wrapped around Jensen, who leaned against his shoulder. Justin found them, bringing with him a plate of food and more beer. He said he’d keep the hounds at bay, but they’d need to come back outside for the toast and the speeches – and yes, Justin did know how ironic that was.

As they made their way back into the garden, a man called out “Jensen, hey!” from behind them. Jared turned to see who it was, and Jensen turned with him, his face lighting up when he saw the two hairy guys striding towards them. This time the bear-hugs were warmly reciprocated by Jensen, who had tears in his eyes when he parted from the guys. Jared recognised them as Steve and Chris from the band vids he had seen.

“Holy shit, I’ve missed you bastards!” Jensen grinned.

“ _We called, but you never wanted to see us_ ,” Steve signed.

“Fuck, you...you learned to sign?” Jensen sobbed tears of joy and gratitude.

“ _Yes, we both did,_ ” Chris signed. “ _We figured we would need to be able to talk to you, you stubborn.._.” He shrugged and said “Fucker!” out loud, making them all laugh, including Jensen.

“Thanks, that’s...that’s so fucking great.” Jensen wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry I was such a dick. I was angry and upset and didn’t want to see you because I missed music so much...”

“ _We understand, Jensen, you do not have to apologise._ ” Chris signed.

“Yes, I do, but I’m much less of a dick now, thanks to Jared here...”

“Hey man! Heard a lot about you from Justin.” Steve clapped Jared on the back.

“Uh oh...” Jared grinned.

“Don’t worry, all good stuff.” Chris winked. “So far.”

“ _Are you here to play_?” Jared asked.

“Yeah...” Steve looked uncomfortable. “ _Is it okay with you, Jensen?_ ”

“Sure,” Jensen smiled, but again it didn’t reach his eyes.

“ _Because we know it will be weird. You are the best singer and_...”

“It’s fine, you’re here for my mom and dad, I’m cool with it. Honestly.” Jared realised that Steve and Chris could read Jensen very well, probably better than him, as they had known Jensen much longer.

“ _Okay, we had better get set up._ ” Chris signed, adding, “Good to meet you, Gigantor,” to Jared.

“ _And now we can speak to you, we have to hang out, man_ ,” Steve added.

“We will, I promise.” Jensen smiled at them. As soon as they left he sighed. “Fuck.”

Jared raised an eyebrow – sometimes words weren’t needed. “

I’m real pleased to see them, Jared, I am, and I’m thrilled they’re here for my parents,” Jensen explained, “but fuck, this is gonna be so hard.”

“ _I know,_ ” Jared pulled him in for a brief kiss. “ _I will be right here and if you need to go, you tell me.”_ Jared stuck with Jensen through the speeches – he didn’t need to sign them as Jensen had read them all beforehand – then held his hand as Chris and Steve took to the stage.

“ _Hi everyone, we are pleased to be here, we wish our third member could be up here with us, but you will all have to put up with our ugly faces and bad voices instead_.” Chris began, making sure he signed for Jensen. Everyone laughed, and Jensen smiled, giving them a thumbs up.

They started their set with one of Shirley and Don’s favourites, _Brown Eyed Girl_ , then moved on to _Crazy Love,_ _One of These Nights_ and _Dancin’ in The Dark_. They were really good; they took turns with the lead vocal and both had great voices. Jared imagined that their voices combined with Jensen’s would be something special. He hoped he might get to hear that one day.

“ _This is a special request from Justin for his parents, you can all join in with this...All You Need Is Love._ ” Steve signed. Everyone sang along with the chorus, and Jensen held Jared’s hand tightly. Jared sang too, gazing across at Jensen, feeling stupidly love-drunk. By the end a lot of people were dabbing at their eyes and Jensen’s mom was opening crying, smiling all the while as Don wrapped her in his arms.

Jensen was done. He rubbed at his eyes and stood up, dragging Jared with him, and they made their escape before too many people noticed. Jensen cried in Jared’s arms as they laid on his bed, and Jared held him tight, murmuring rubbish in his ear, knowing he couldn’t hear but hoping he could feel the warm breath on his skin, and know that Jared loved him. But did he know? Had Jared actually told him?

Jared waited until Jensen had calmed down, handing him a wad of tissues so he could wipe his face.

“I messed up your shirt, sorry,” Jensen sniffed, red-eyed and beautiful.

“ _Don’t worry about it_.” Jared sat back so Jensen could see his hands. “ _Jensen, today has made me realise something.”_

“That I’m a sad loser?” Jensen smiled wryly.

" _No, you’re not_.” Jared replied. “ _You are wonderful, beautiful, brave, funny_.”

“Careful, I’m gonna get big headed here,” Jensen laughed.

“ _Jensen, please, let me_...” Jared stroked his face and his green eyes seemed to shine even brighter in their red-rimmed frame. He nodded, looking nervous. “ _Jensen, I love you. I know we have not known each other for long, but I know that I love you_.”

“Fuck...” Jensen groaned, his eyes downcast and Jared’s heart skipped a beat. He’d ruined it, freaked Jensen out, spoiled it all. “Just when I stopped fucking crying, you’ve made me start again.” Jared lifted Jensen’s chin and they both smiled.

“I love you, Freckles.” Jared said, knowing Jensen knew exactly what he was saying.

“I love you, too, Dimples,” Jensen leaned his head into Jared’s touch.

“And as the song says, all we need is love,” Jared grinned.

“Yeah, love is all we need, you big sap.” Jensen replied, leaning in to kiss Jared.

 


	4. God Only Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen thinks about how his life has changed since he met Jared, and makes a decision about their future together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of suicidal thoughts.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the people whose names and bodies I'm using (I wish!!) or have any rights to the songs/movies mentioned, this is purely for schmoopy, angsty fun! 
> 
> A/Note - When Jared is speaking to Jensen, it's usually signing, which is why it may seem a little stilted. Huge thanks to my wonderfully supportive Obi-beta, milly_gal.

Jensen ran his fingertips over the spines of his CD collection; he still missed listening to music so much. He can still ‘hear’ it in his mind, especially if he sees a song title or reads the lyrics, but the loss of it aches deep inside.

It’s not just music he misses - it’s hearing his dad’s deep laugh, and his mom’s carefree giggle. He hasn’t even seen them smile or laugh much since it all happened, and he knows it’s his fault. He’s acted like a spoiled teen, huffing his way through the house, slamming doors, shutting himself away in his room, either ignoring his family’s attempts to talk to him and help him, or yelling at them.

He didn’t do any of it on purpose. He just couldn’t accept what had happened to him. He was twenty-four, with a promising future in music ahead of him. He loved – he had loved - singing, playing guitar and writing songs. He had loved performing, making people happy, hearing them singing along, sometimes dancing...it was such a buzz.

When it happened, everyone treated him like he was made of glass and about to shatter. And it was a fair reaction. He did shatter, into so many pieces he didn’t think he’d ever be whole again, or recognize the person he was once the pieces started to fit together.

Then the helpful suggestions started. He was told that having hearing loss wasn’t the end of the world. Deaf people were like anyone else; some deaf people climbed mountains, ran marathons and swam oceans – managing all three things before lunch no doubt. He could live a full and rewarding life. But he knew that a full and rewarding life just wasn’t an option for him, because the one thing that he’d lived for, the one thing he was good at and loved to do had been stolen from him.

Often, he just refused to read what people wrote or to look at them, so he couldn’t read their well-meaning, fucking patronizing lips. It all made him feel inadequate – why wasn’t he out there in the world climbing mountains? Why was he hiding in his room...was he a coward? Was he too lazy to learn to sign or read lips? Why wouldn’t he try a hearing aid? Was he just being a proud jerk? What about counselling? Why, what, how, when...

He had agreed to counselling, eventually. Mainly because he had started to think about ways he could commit suicide. He could take all the pills he could find in the house, wash them all down with whisky. He could jump off a bridge into the river or throw himself in front of a truck. He could fashion a noose and find a sturdy tree branch. Of course, he didn’t try any of these things; he knew his family would be devastated at losing him and he couldn't do that to them. However, he knew he was already lost; the Jensen he used to be had died in that hospital bed. He didn’t know who he was anymore. He was told he was lucky to be alive, as meningitis killed so many young people. He just didn’t feel fucking lucky.

So, he’d started going to see a counsellor, much to his parent’s relief. He liked her immediately, her name was Samantha Ferris, and she was around his mom’s age, very attractive with warm brown eyes and a wide smile. She had a great sense of humor, and was very honest and direct. She used prompt cards, which meant he didn’t need to read her lips or wait while she wrote down her questions; this worked well and helped him open up to her.

The prompt card - “Have you experienced suicidal thoughts?” – had made him cry. It was the first time he’d cried since the early days of terrifying, disconcerting silence. Sam had waited patiently for him to cry himself out, handing him tissues, then pouring them both a cup of coffee. She produced a plate of cookies seemingly from nowhere.

“I'll take that as a yes.” She held up a new card that she’d written while he cried. She flipped it over. “It is understandable, Jensen. You feel your life Is over.”

Jensen had nodded, waiting for the inevitable “Climb every mountain...” speech, but Sam hadn’t told him what he could/should be doing. They ate cookies and drank coffee, as Jensen told her about his dreams for the future, all ruined now.

She gave him a typed sheet to read. “Homework – write a list of all the positive things in your life, and a list of all the negative things. It can be anything – favorite foods, patronizing people. Do it over the week and bring it with you next time.”

Jensen had carried out the task, and had discovered to his surprise that the positive outweighed the negative. He took it to his next session and Sam had smiled when she saw his lists, holding up a card that read “There. You still have a lot to live for, Jensen.”

 

Sam had helped a lot, but it was the tall, dimpled, long-haired stranger Justin had brought home that helped him the most. Jensen never expected to form a relationship - who would want to be with a miserable, reclusive, self-obsessed deaf guy? - and had resigned himself to a future of hand jobs in the shower and watching porn.

Then Jared had appeared, with a smile that literally lit up the room. Jensen had thought that was a cliché until seeing the full force of the Padadimples. And his eyes - they were such a wonderful riot of color; Jensen thought they were green like his own at first, then saw gold, brown, blue and even grey swirling in the mix.

Jared had an earnestness about him, a real desire to help people and make them happy. Jared could say things to him like “why don’t you try singing?” without it seeming like an accusation. Jensen knew that Jared just wanted him to do things that would make him happy and fulfilled. And he had a kickass sense of humor, a fantastic body and amazing lips. Their first kiss had been possibly the most sensual experience of Jensen’s life – and he was no monk. Their lips seemed to belong together, and he had never wanted their first all-too-brief kiss to end.

Jensen was falling hard. It scared him, but it made him hopeful too. It gave his life a purpose that had been missing. It made him feel excited and nervous and happy and stupid...he was basically fucked. Except he hadn’t been, not yet. There was something too weird about having sex for the first time with Jared in his parent’s house. What if Jared was a screamer? What if he made Jensen scream? If he was in proportion he probably had a monster-cock. Not that Jensen had spent a lot of time thinking about the size of Jared’s cock and where he’d like Jared to put it...nope, not a lot of time at all. Only several freakin’ hours.

Mutt’s ears twitched in his sleep and he sat up, yawning. Jensen grinned at him.

“Who is it, boy? Is it my doofus brother and...and my boyfriend?” It still gave him a thrill to think of Jared in that way.

Mutt wagged his tail as he got up and nudged Jensen’s leg. “Okay, I get the message!” Jensen laughed. He looked out of the window and saw the now familiar shaggy-haired figure emerging from Justin’s car. He tapped on the window and waved, before realizing how uncool that was. Jared didn’t seem to mind, though, as he waved right back, smiling broadly.

Jensen almost fell over Mutt in his haste to get downstairs; he opened the door and, to his surprise as much as anyone else’s, threw himself into Jared’s arms. He hadn’t been this openly affectionate before, being naturally a little shy and reserved. But Jared made him lose his inhibitions. Jared was laughing – Jensen could feel the rumble of his chest against his own. Jensen pulled back to see Jared grinning and Justin rolling his eyes.

“I’m so pleased to see you!” Jensen exclaimed, as if Jared hadn’t realized this from his welcome. “I’ve been thinking about you, and me, I mean us, all afternoon and...” Jensen stopped, blushing. Jared was still grinning but Justin...Justin was staring at him open-mouthed and Jensen was sure he could see tears in his brother’s big brown eyes. Jensen felt a stab of guilt at making Justin tear up; he must’ve been such a miserable bastard before Jared changed his life.

“Um, sorry, just excited, come on in.” Jensen stepped aside to let them bring their bags through. He hadn’t even noticed that Genevieve was with them – being so tiny she was hidden from view – and hastily greeted her with a wry smile and a hug. He hugged Justin too, before they made their way into the hallway.

“You are looking good, Jensen,” Genevieve signed.

“Thanks, you too,” he replied. “Sorry I didn’t see you, um, before.”

“You only had eyes - and arms - for one person.” Justin signed with a grin.

“You’d be the same if you hadn’t seen Genny for days, asshat.” Jensen retorted, blushing again as he glanced at Jared.

Justin grinned, then winked as he said that he and Genny would take their bags straight upstairs to unpack; Jensen laughed as they disappeared.

“My brother, subtle as always.” He grinned at Jared.

“I’ve missed you so much, Jensen.” Jared signed, not laughing or smiling, just looking at him with such longing it almost took Jensen’s breath away.

“Me too.” He moved forward at the same time as Jared and they met, their lips locking, their arms wrapping around each other.

Mutt’s tail slapped against their legs and he nudged them, whining, until they broke apart, both smiling stupidly. Jared knelt to give Mutt some attention; Jensen was pleased that Jared was a dog lover and that he and Mutt already adored each other, but he really wished Mutt hadn’t interrupted them.

“Why don’t you take him outside to run off some steam, I’ll grab some beers and join you,” Jensen suggested.

“Okay,” Jared smiled, kissing Jensen briefly again.

Jensen leaned his head against the cool fridge door, taking a deep breath. He had a major milestone to face and talk to Jared about. He was excited but freaking out a little, too. He grabbed the beers, a bag of pretzels and a bone for Mutt before heading to the garden.

“Hey,” Jared grinned at him, as the kicked Mutt’s favorite ball across the lawn. Mutt dashed after it and retrieved it, dropping it at Jared’s feet, his tail wagging furiously.

“Here, Muttley, this is for you so I can get some time with my boyfriend.” Jensen dropped the bone and Mutt’s attention was diverted to it immediately. He put the beers and pretzels on the table, so he could take Jared in his arms. “Now, where were we?”

They kissed for a few more precious moments, before Jared pulled away, frowning at him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, “you are very tense.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” he smiled at Jared. “It’s just that I’ve made a decision about something. I hope you’ll be pleased. I hope it’s still okay...”

“You’re coming back with us?” Jared guessed, his face lit up with joy. “Really?”

“Yeah, really!” Jensen grinned. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot, about us. I missed you so much. And I want to spend more time with you. I want us to have a chance to be alone...”

“You want to jump my bones.” Jared signed, straight-faced but with a twinkle in his eye.

Jensen got up and pulled Jared to his feet. “I can’t fucking wait to jump your bones!” He laughed as they kissed, their arms wrapping around each other once again.

Jensen was amazed at how well their bodies fit together, like two pieces of one puzzle, which was another cliche he had never believed before he met Jared - he couldn’t wait to find out what shape their finished picture would take.


	5. My Heart Can Make You Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen and Jared travel back with Justin and Genevieve to Jared's apartment. They are alone at last but things don’t go smoothly – until Jensen unleashes his inner Hugh Grant!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the people whose names and bodies I'm using (I wish!!) or have any rights to the songs/movies mentioned, this is purely for schmoopy, angsty fun! 
> 
> A/Note: When Jared is speaking to Jensen, it's usually signing, which is why it may seem a little stilted. Huge thanks to my wonderfully supportive Obi-beta, milly_gal.

Jared thought the car journey back to the apartment he shared with Justin had never been so long; he was sure they hit every single red light and traffic hold up. He was so full of anticipation and anxiety after having waited so long to be alone with Jensen, that all he wanted to do was to get home and get them both naked! However, it was so great to have Jensen sitting there next to him – although their long legs were not meant to be folded like pretzels in the back of a Prius – and they kept just smiling at each other, much to Justin and Genevieve’s amusement.

“Not long now, boys!” Justin teased from the front seat. “Please refrain from stripping each other until we reach our destination.”

Jared signed Justin’s words to Jensen, who told Justin to “Grow the fuck up,” while flipping him the bird. They all laughed and Jensen slipped his hand onto Jared’s thigh, squeezing it lightly.

“Ignore him, Jensen. You two can strip off in front of me any time.” Genevieve turned to say, winking at them. Jensen blushed, so Jared knew he’d read Gen’s lips just fine.

“Hey, I’m sitting right here!” Justin protested. “That’s my little brother you’re ogling!”

Jared laughed, signing Justin’s words for Jensen.

“Gen, you should know I’m not the little brother in some departments...” Jensen waggled his eyebrows as Genevieve giggled.

“In your dreams, little brother, in your dreams.” Justin grumbled.

 

They eventually reached the apartment late evening; Justin dropped them off as he was going to stay at Genevieve’s to give them some privacy. They had stopped at a roadside diner en route so they didn’t need to eat, so after showing Jensen around – which didn’t take long as the apartment wasn’t huge - Jared got them some beers from the fridge and they sat on the sofa. It wasn’t like the movies, they hadn’t started kissing the minute they were through the door as they stripped each other off, then knocking the hall light from the table as they humped each other.

Instead, they seemed awkward, even shy, which was ridiculous, as it was hardly their first date. Jensen tilted his bottle and Jared did the same, clicking the bottles together.

“To us.” Jensen smiled.

“To us.” Jared repeated. “Alone at last.”

“At last.” Jensen echoed, as he put his bottle down and moved closer to Jared. Jared put his own beer down and wrapped his long arm around Jensen, who sighed and snuggled into him. Jared felt ridiculously nervous, like a teenager taking it to the next level, or a blushing virgin bride, full of anticipation and hope, with a little bit of fear there too. What if he hurt Jensen, or they weren't sexually compatible? This was so important - he knew Jensen was The One, and he didn't want to fuck it up. Well, he wanted to fuck...

Jensen was in his arms but not relaxed, probably sensing his tension. He sat up and frowned at him. "Stop over-thinking it; I might be deaf, but I can hear your brain ticking over!”

“I'm sorry, I'm...I'm kinda nervous.”

“Me too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah this is something I've wanted for so long, but it's a big step because it’s...well, it matters so much. I’ve never felt like this before, how I feel about you...” Jensen explained. 

“That's exactly how I feel.” Jared replied.

Jensen smiled at him and he felt his heart grow at least six sizes bigger. “I know what we need to do.” Jensen stood up. “Wait right there.”

Jared watched in bemusement as Jensen left the room, looking like a man on a mission. Jensen was only gone for a few minutes, but it was long enough for Jared to worry that Jensen had changed his mind about staying, about them, about everything. Jensen came back dressed in his suit pants and a white shirt. He went and stood by the window, his back to Jared. He had no idea what on earth Jensen was doing...then Jensen’s hips started to move and he began singing _“You’re so excited, I can feel you getting’ hotter, oh baby I'll take you down, I'll take you down...”_

Jared was laughing now, with the realisation that Jensen was recreating Hugh Grant’s dance from _Love Actually_. Jensen was shimmying backwards away from the window, his perfect ass wiggling with abandon. “... _where no one's ever gone before, and if you want more, if you want more, more, more...”_ Jensen jumped around just as he started to sing _“Then jump for my love, jump in and feel my touch._..” he raised his hand, smiling as he sang and crooked his finger, beckoning Jared to join him.

Jared laughed and stayed where he was, teasing Jensen, who pouted adorably but continued singing as he made his way over to Jared. _“Jump, if you want to taste my kisses in the night then.._.” Jensen climbed onto Jared’s lap so their faces were inches apart, winking at Jared as he sang, “ _Jump for my love_.”

Jared laughed. “Jensen, you beautiful goofball, I love you...” he hesitated, not sure if he should sign it – or even if he should have said it.

Jensen knew what he was thinking. “You don’t need to sign it, Jared. I love you, too.”

Jensen’s eyes were huge as they gazed into Jared’s. Neither of them were laughing now, as they moved their heads together, their lips finding each other immediately. Jared’s hands were wrapped around Jensen, one in his hair, one on his neck, holding him place as they kissed, never wanting to let him go. Jensen’s fun Hugh Grant performance had succeeded in easing the tension that had been between them; they easily progressed now from kissing to exploring each other’s bodies with their lips and hands. Jared undid the buttons on Jensen’s white shirt, then he nuzzled Jensen’s chest, licking and sucking each pretty pink nipple, making Jensen gasp and squirm. Jensen’s hands were wrapped in his hair, guiding him from nipple to nipple, then pushing his head down further. Jared’s hands wrestled with Jensen’s trousers until they were on Jensen’s firm thighs, then moving up to stroke his already hard cock.

“Jared...fuuuck...” Jensen moaned as he collapsed back along the sofa, allowing Jared full access to his body. “Wanted this, wanted you for so long.”

Jared smiled at Jensen. “Me too, darlin’, me too.”

Jared nibbled his way down Jensen’s slim but well-muscled body, until he reached his goal. He loved the noises and curses coming from Jensen’s mouth and wondered how much more debauched he would sound with Jared’s lips around his cock.

“Please, fucking hell, Jared, fuck, please...” Jensen moaned and that was all the encouragement Jared needed to lick Jensen’s cock until it was weeping pre-come; then Jared swallowed him down, spurred on by Jensen’s obscene litany and the way his hips bucked up towards Jared’s mouth. It didn’t take long before Jensen was coming, Jared swallowing him down, tears of joy mixing with tears from trying not to choke around Jensen’s impressive cock.

“Fuck, Jared, I’m sorry...” Jensen was all concern when he saw Jared crying. “I should’ve....”

“No, no, I’m fine,” Jared sat up so he could sign “ _I am so happy, Jensen. I am crying because I have wanted this for so long, and it is all I dreamed, more than I dreamed_.”

“Shit, you had me worried there!” Jensen grinned, unshed tears gleaming in his eyes. “That was amazing and you...you’re so fucking amazing, Jared. But I want to feel you inside me, now.”

“Are you sure?” Jared asked, wiping his eyes with his hands. Jensen shuffled so that he was kneeling opposite Jared, cupping Jared’s face in his hands.

“I have never been surer of anything in my life, Jared.” Jensen kissed him, a brief touch of lips on lips, then grinned. “Now take me to bed and fuck me into the mattress!”

“ _I never knew you were such a romantic!_ ” Jared signed as he laughed.


	6. Both Sides Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen goes to a local bar with Jared and Justin a few nights after arriving in LA, and accidentally reads Jared’s lips. Jensen reacts badly to what Jared was saying, and all his insecurities and anger issues rise to the surface. He leaves and Jared tries to figure out what’s gone wrong. It looks like it could all be over before it’s properly begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the people whose names and bodies I'm using (I wish!!) or have any rights to the songs/movies mentioned, this is purely for schmoopy, angsty fun!
> 
> A/Note: This is the final chapter of this story, I hope you've all enjoyed it as much as I have. Sorry it's a bit longer and more angsty than the last chapter, I do like to hurt my boys, even just a little! And I would like to say a huge thank you to my wonderful Obi-Beta milly_gal for her support and encouragement with this story, and for loving these characters almost as much as I do!

**Chapter Six - Both Sides Now**

Jensen was tired and really just wanted to spend the night watching Chicago Fire with Jared, sprawled in his ginormous bed together. But it wasn’t often Jared and Justin finished work so early – well, 8pm – and they wanted to go to a bar near the studio. He’d got parted from Jared, but Justin and Genevieve made sure he was never alone. Justin went off to get more beers, and Genevieve was chatting to a friend, so Jensen glanced around to find Jared, who was talking to a couple of pretty girls that Jensen vaguely recognized from the production team.

And right now, Jensen wished he hadn’t learned to read Jared’s lips so fucking well. He could clearly read them saying “It’s just not working. Being with him twenty-four seven is too much. I need my own space. I just don’t know how to tell him. And I don’t want his brother to be mad at me.”

Jensen felt sick. He thought they’d been getting on really well - how had he got is so wrong? Jared was sick of him already, and it had barely been four days. He had been stupid to think someone as gorgeous as Jared could ever really love him. Jared had done and said all the right things; they’d done a lot of talking, a lot of laughing, and they’d had amazing sex...but what if that was the problem? What if Jensen’s idea of amazing sex wasn’t Jared’s? What if Jared had realized how difficult having a relationship with a man who couldn’t hear him would be? Jensen wiped hot tears from his eyes. He had been seriously considering moving out here with Justin and Jared, finding a job, starting to live life to the full again.

Now, all he wanted to do was to get home - to the sanctuary of his room, to his family and to Muttley. Tom had been right all along, he was damaged goods now, and would never find love or live a normal life.

“Jensen, what’s wrong?” Justin had arrived with their beers.

“I don’t feel well. I wanna go home.” Jensen knew he sounded pathetic.

“Okay, just give me a minute and I’ll run you back.” Justin put the beers down to sign.

“No, not to your place, I wanna go home.” Jensen almost wailed.

“What the fuck?” Justin said, and Jensen could read that very clearly. Justin signed the next part. _“Jensen what is it? Has someone upset you? What has happened -  you seemed fine earlier...”_

“For fuck’s sake, I told you, I’m not feeling well.” Jensen retorted. “Now are you gonna take me home or shall I call a cab?”

“ _Okay, calm down. I will take you back to the apartment, but I can’t take you home until Saturday, you know that._ ” Justin replied, looking pissed off but worried.

“Fine,” Jensen huffed. “I’ll ask mom to get me tomorrow.”

“Okay. I’ll get Jared....”

“No!” Jensen grabbed Justin’s sleeve. “I don’t want...I don’t want to spoil his fun.”

“We should let him know...” Justin frowned. “Is it Jared? Is he the one who’s upset you?”

“No, of course not.” Jensen lied. “Please, I just need to get outta here.”

Justin disappeared to tell Jared as Jensen made his way out to the car. Of course, Jared came back with Justin, looking equally worried.

“Jensen, what’s wrong?” Jared asked.

“Look, I just gotta get out of here right the fuck now!” Jensen sniped. “I’ve already had twenty-fucking questions from my useless brother.”

He looked away from the hurt on Jared’s face and climbed into the back of Justin’s car to slump like a stroppy teen. He didn’t look up to see if either Justin or Jared were trying to talk to him.

Once inside the apartment, he told them he had a migraine and was going to bed. They both looked concerned, but let him go. He went to his brother’s room and cried into the pillow, hoping it was silently. For the second time in a matter of months his world was crashing down around him, all his hopes and dreams dashed again, making him feel like a small boat in a storm, tossed against jagged rocks.

A beam of light alerted him that the door had opened and he pretended to be asleep, ignoring the hand that shook his shoulder gently. He knew it was Justin by his aftershave. He made a fake snoring sound and Justin withdrew his hand. Jensen wanted to open his eyes and throw himself into his brother’s arms, but he hurt too much to be able to face him. And he felt so fucking lonely.

Once he was alone, he sat up and saw that Justin had left him a note, along with a glass of water and some pain relief tablets. The note said “Not sure what’s going on, bro, or why you’ve claimed my bed, but I hope you’re okay. Jared’s worried about you, he thinks it’s his fault but he doesn’t know why. So, don’t be a dick, tell one of us what’s wrong when you ‘wake up’.”

The second time the door opened, he guessed it was Jared and lay as still as he possibly could, feigning sleep. Jensen could imagine Jared standing by the bed, looking all unsure, biting his bottom lip. But Jensen knew Jared wasn’t unsure at all – he wanted to end it with Jensen. He was only pretending to care because of Justin.

Jared turned on the bedside lamp and Jensen tried hard not to react to the sudden light, but he had given himself away, as Jared gently shook his shoulder. Jensen sighed, knowing he was going to have to face him.

“Leave me alone.” He muttered as he cracked open one eye. Jared looked so hurt and worried that he almost felt sorry for him. “I just want to sleep.”

“ _What have I done? Please, Jensen, please talk to me_.” Jared signed.

“You haven’t done anything, except stopping me from going to fucking sleep!”

“ _Okay, but why are you in Justin’s room?”_

“Because I need to sleep, not talk all fucking night!”

“Okay.” Jared sighed heavily. “ _I’ll leave you alone, then. You can tell me tomorrow why you are being such a dickhead.”_

Jensen couldn’t answer – he knew if he opened his mouth now he would scream and shout and swear at Jared. They had both laughed so much the day he had taught Jared the sign for dickhead and several other curse words. Those memories were tainted now. Everything he thought he’d had with Jared was tainted now. He rolled over onto his side, away from Jared. He wanted him to leave - so why did it hurt so much when Jared turned off the lamp and left?

The words of one of his favorite songs – one that he had found via the _Love Actually_ movie – haunted him as he lay there staring into the darkness.

“ _As every fairy tale comes real_

_I’ve looked at love that way..._

_It's love's illusions I recall_

_I really don't know love at all”_

He cried himself to sleep and woke up feeling like he had the head cold from hell. His head was throbbing, his nose blocked, his eyes sticky and his throat sore. He glanced at the clock -  it was 5.30 am, an hour before Justin usually got up. He padded through to the kitchen to get a glass of water and stopped In his tracks when he saw Jared sitting at the kitchen table.

“Um, you’re up early.” He said, before he remembered he didn’t want to speak to Jared, ever again.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Jared got to his feet and reached out to touch Jensen’s face. “Jeez, you look like shit.”

Jensen pulled away from Jared’s touch. “Thanks.” He huffed.

“Sit down, I will get you some water and pain killers.” Jared signed.

“I just want a glass of water. I’m going back to bed.” Jensen turned away from Jared and the hurt expression on his face. He filled up a glass from the tap and tried to get past Jared without having to speak to him.

Jared reached out and grabbed his arm. “Jensen, please...”

“Let go of me.” He hissed. “I know you don’t want me here any longer, so I’m leaving today.”

“ _What are you talking about?”_ Jared looked genuinely puzzled, but he was an actor, after all. “ _I don’t want you to leave; I love having you here. I love you, Jensen._ ”

“Stop lying.” Jensen said bitterly. “I know it’s awkward, with me being Justin’s brother. He’ll probably kick your ass for ditching me.”

“ _But I’m not_...” Jared paused, no doubt trying to think of the sign for ditching. “ _I am not lying and I do not want to finish with you.”_

“I’m going back to bed. I’ll see you around, Jared.” Jensen pulled away from Jared’s grip on his arm.

 

Jared knew he looked like he hadn’t slept all night. Because he hadn’t slept all night.

He knew he had upset Jensen but he couldn’t figure out how – he’d been going over and over in his mind everything he had said and done last night, but still had no clue.

“Oh boy, the make-up ladies are gonna have their work cut out with you today!” Justin grinned when he saw him. “You look worse than my idiot brother, and that’s saying something. Did you two have a fight?”

“No, we didn’t. and I have no idea why he’s acting like he is.”

“C’mon, we’d better talk it over on the way to work, or we’ll be late.” Justin picked up his car keys and headed for the door.

Jared hesitated. “Is Jensen really going home today?”

“Um, yeah. He asked me to call mom. She’s on her way.”

“Shit.” Jared felt his knees go weak.

“C’mon, sunshine,” Justin grabbed his arm, guiding him out to the car. “Getting sacked ain’t gonna help you - or me - figure out what’s going on in my idiot brother’s head.”

Jared sighed as he climbed into the car. It was going to be a long day. He really wished he could speak to Jensen on the phone, but texting would have to suffice.  Except that Jensen ignored all the texts Jared sent him throughout the day. Thankfully, he knew Jensen was okay, as Justin told him their mom had picked him up mid-afternoon, and they were on their way back home.

Jared struggled to concentrate on his scenes, fluffing his lines several times, until the director told him to go and get some sleep, drink some caffeine, and get his ass back in gear in an hour. Back in his trailer, Jared drank three cups of coffee, ate two donuts and went over everything he had done and said the day before. Again. For the life of him, he couldn’t think what he had done to make Jensen leave so abruptly. And he knew it him Jensen was mad at, that much was obvious.

 

Jared stumbled through the door at 11.30pm; the shoot had taken longer than anticipated and not just because of him. He was kind of grateful, to be honest, as he was so tired he could barely speak, let alone think. He mumbled goodnight to Justin, who had got home slightly earlier, and collapsed onto his bed, fully clothed. He didn’t think he would be able to sleep, but he went out like a light and woke up to his alarm at 6am.

In the car on the way to work, he found out from Justin that Jensen had refused to tell his parents what was wrong, shutting himself away in his room with Muttley again.

“It’s like he’s regressed to how he was before you came along, Jared. It’s heartbreaking for my mom and dad, they were so happy for him, so happy that he had you. Fuck.” Justin’s voice wavered and he took a deep breath. “When I see him on Saturday, I’m gonna beat some sense into his thick skull. I dunno what the hell is wrong with him.”

“Me neither. I’ve been through what happened on Tuesday night over and over again. Someone obviously said or did something to upset him, and by the way he’s reacting I’m guessing that someone was me. But I honestly don’t know what the hell I did.”

“I was with you both most of the evening, I don’t know what you did either. Perhaps he thought you were flirting with someone?”

“But I didn’t!” Jared protested.

“I know you didn’t.” Justin reassured him.

“I can’t believe this is happening. We were so fucking happy, well I thought we were.” Jared hesitated. “I was…um…hoping he’d move in with me. I…I was gonna speak to you about it before all the drama.”

“Okay, go ahead.”

“I was thinking of asking Jensen to move in with me either here or...or in our own place. I mean...I guess you and Gen have plans, and I thought either you could stay here or move in with...”

“Stop babbling, Jare.” Justin laughed. “I’ve been thinking for a while of moving in with Gen. In fact, her room-mate is getting married, so it’s perfect timing. Well, it was perfect timing.”

“True,” Jared sighed. “I was so worried about telling you; this was your home before it was mine.”

“Yeah, but to be honest working and living together is pretty tough on a friendship. We’ve been lucky that although we’ve had a few disagreements we’ve never had a fight.”

“Holy shit!” Jared yelled, startling Justin so much he had to fight the wheel to stop the car from swerving.

“Fuck’s sake, Jared!” Justin yelled, too.

“Sorry, it’s just...I just realized what happened at the bar!” Jared already felt happier, and like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders – and his heart. “I was talking to Caroline and Andrea from the production office about Jensen, and how well we were getting on.”

“And?” Justin coaxed, sounding anxious.

“I was telling them I wanted Jensen to move in with me, but that I didn’t know how to tell you. I said something about how hard it was to be with you twenty-four seven. And that I didn’t want your brother being mad with me.”

“I still don’t see...oh shit!” Justin gasped. “He read your lips!”

“He read my lips.” Jared grinned. “The stupid idiot thought I was talking about him. I remember seeing him looking over at me, and I smiled back at him, but it was a bit of a guilty smile ‘cause I was talking about you and...”

“He put two and two together, and made ninety-four.” Justin sighed.

“I’m gonna text him, ask him to Skype with me later, but if he doesn’t respond I’m going to him Friday night. I don’t care how late we finish shooting. I have to see the beautiful fucking stupid bastard, tell him how wrong he was, take him to a motel and...”

“Whoa! Remember this is my kid brother you’re thinking of defiling!”

“Sorry...you get the idea!” Jared laughed. It felt good to laugh. Hell, this had been just two days, two days of misery without Jensen. How would he cope if he was wrong, if there was another reason for Jensen’s behavior? “I hope he’ll listen to me. I hope he’ll forgive me.”

“Hey, there’s nothing to forgive.” Justin glanced at him. “You did nothing wrong, ‘cept for dissing me, of course!”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Jared smiled back. He could make this right with Jensen. They were going to be so happy together.

 

Jensen prowled through his parent’s house, hoping not to see any one, as it was late, past midnight. He was still wearing the sweatpants and t-shirt he’d put on yesterday and hadn’t bothered to shower or shave. Muttley didn’t seem to mind how he looked or smelled, and he was avoiding his parents as much as possible.

The headlights of a car pulling up outside made him pause by the front door on his way to the kitchen. He knew it couldn’t be any one visiting them, it was probably a taxi dropping off a neighbor.

He carried on through to the kitchen and found the whisky his mom had hidden – badly – at the back of the food cupboard and poured himself a generous measure. He was sitting at the table, his chin resting on one hand, the whisky tumbler clutched in the other, when Justin walked in.

“Huh.” Jensen greeted him.

“Good, you’re here.” Justin grinned.

“Where the fuck else would I be, dumbass?” Jensen growled.

“Stay there.” Justin smiled, ignoring his attitude.

“Whatever.” Jensen muttered. He was really hoping Justin hadn’t brought Jared with him. And he was also really hoping he had. He was so screwed. Neither scenario was appealing.

Jared appeared with a large card, which read...

**JENSEN, I AM SO SORRY**.

“Huh.” Jensen repeated, shrugging and sipping his whisky.

Jared flipped the card.

**I’M SORRY YOU EAVESDROPPED.**

“What the fuck?” Jensen sat up, blushing slightly. How did Jared know?

**I KNOW YOU READ MY LIPS,**

**BUT YOU MISUNDERSTOOD**.

Justin appeared next with his own card. It read...

**YEAH. HE WAS TALKING ABOUT ME,**

**YOU DUMB ASS.**

He flipped it over.

**HE WANTS ME TO MOVE OUT -**

**SO YOU CAN MOVE IN.**

Jensen’s eyes filled with tears. He blinked them away as he looked from Justin to Jared.

Jared held up another card.

**I LOVE YOU, JENSEN ROSS ACKLES.**

**I WANT YOU TO MOVE TO L.A., WITH ME**

**I WANT US TO BE TOGETHER.**

Jensen was on his feet, tears streaming down his face now. Jared quickly crossed the room to hug him, their long arms wrapping around each other. Justin made his excuses and left, no doubt to wake his parents and tell them the news.

“I thought...I thought you didn’t want me...didn’t love me.” Jensen sobbed.

Jared pushed him away, gently, to tell him “Of course I love you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, Jensen. You are it for me.” He kissed him again, then moved his head back to whisper “I love you so fucking much.”

“Hey, what’s the point of me teaching you rude signs if you don’t use ‘em?” Jensen laughed, his beautiful green eyes wet with tears. “I love you so fucking much, too.”

“So, are you gonna move in with me? I mean, I’m making your brother homeless for you…”

“Yeah, yes, I’d love to.” Jensen beamed.

“One last question.” Jared said, solemnly.

“Okay…” Jensen looked nervous.

_“Shall we book into the nearest motel so I can fuck you into the mattress?_ ” Jared signed.

Jensen jumped into Jared’s open arms, wrapping his legs around Jared, knowing – and loving – that Jared was strong enough to hold him. “Hell yes! You know I love it when you sign dirty to me.”  
  
  
 **Epilogue - I Love You Like Never Before**

Jensen was waiting anxiously for Jared to come home; Jensen had moved his stuff in on the Saturday and now it was Monday - their first proper night as a couple. Jared had been at work all day, and Jensen had been at home going through the set list for a small gig he would be playing with Steve and Chris at a bar near the studio next weekend. He was running through the songs on his guitar. He hadn’t sung in public since his illness, and he needed to see how it felt - if he could still perform and if he still wanted to perform.

He was planning to sing _Songbird_ for Jared, who had told him it was his favorite song from Love Actually when they’d watched the movie last night, curled up on the sofa together. It had seemed right to watch the movie that had brought them together.

But tonight was all about him and Jared. He had even cooked Jared’s favorite meal – steak with mashed potatoes and green beans, and bought his favorite ice cream - Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food.

He was waiting by the window when he saw Jared’s new rental car turn the corner, so he bounded downstairs with the card he’d made in his hand.

 

**IT’S OUR MOVING IN DAY – SORT OF**

**AND ON MOVING IN DAY YOU**

**HAVE TO TELL THE TRUTH**

 

Jared was smiling, that mega-watt smile of his that lit up a room and made Jensen’s knees turn to water. While making other parts of his anatomy get harder...but right now he had to focus. He flipped the card over...

 

**JARED TRISTAN PADALECKI**

**TO ME YOU ARE PERFECT**

**I LOVE YOU, ACTUALLY...**

 

 

The End...for now!


End file.
